I Can, I Will, I Am !

I can,    I will,    I am !

April 29th, 2024 marked what would have been a 35th wedding anniversary. I bravely say that I am a survivor of domestic violence. Control, physical abuse, manipulation, verbal abuse, living a life of fear, walking on pins and needles daily, not knowing what was tolerable today, were my normal for 20 years.

This came after a childhood of being questioned “Are you sure you can?”.

 I am forever thankful for those involved in helping me find my way out of this horrible relationship. Primarily my own children. My eldest child Joshua, brought home from school an article from the paper. I stillhave it stashed away in my paperwork from that chapter of my life. He had read about difficult relationships in the workplace. It described my life perfectly. Coincidentally this article was found while he was  learning about healthy relationships as part of the classroom curriculum. He encouraged me to walk out. His assistance with writing a resume, walking with me from store to store to fill out applications was so very supportive.

Once I was courageous enough, once I had the confidence to leave, my eldest daughter, Anastasia, took on more than she should have, cooking, cleaning, and caring for siblings, while I took care of everything needed to do with separation, divorce and moving on. Her friendship has been my rock.

My first weekend of separation my fear, worry, and anxiety were at there highest when my youngest children Amanda and Alexandria took all the garbage bags that they had packed with my ex’s belongings, to our family cottage with him. This was the official move out separation date. I have never prayed so hard and eaten so little. I worried myself sick not knowing what could happen with them alone out there with him. When I started my separation journey, I knew I had to take care of me to manage the stress that would accompany the process. Earlier in the year, I began walking during my work lunch break as part of this self care to be strong. The walk definitely turned into a full jog this weekend that my children moved their father out.

My children are what has kept me going through all of "then." My children and grandchildren are what I still adore, but I am comforted to know I have so much more. If that makes any sense.

I grew up being questioned “Are you sure you can?” I felt that no one was confident that I could, so I rarely tried. Then I spent two decades being told, “you can’t, you are no one, you never have been and you never will be …”

While raising my children I had a wonderful friend, Lisa, with whom I dreamed of one day owning and running my own tea room. She and I would take turns taking each other for tea on our birthdays. In the summer I took her to a wonderful spot and in the winter she would take me somewhere. We enjoyed having the opportunity to see the same place during different seasons experiencing the different menus. We would chat about what we liked, what we didn’t like, what I should do when I open my Tea Room and what I shouldn’t do. What to have on the menu and what not to have on the menu. It was a wonderful outing for me that I whole heartedly looked forward to. The tea room business dream became my retirement goal. Something that kept me looking forward. Something to hold onto it gave me hope.

Over the past years, I have shared this dream freely. Those that know me know that when the opportunity would arise I would share all of my ideas and dreams for the tea room. Folks that believed in me, believed in the dream would share, teacups, linens, furniture. When ever spring cleaning, down sizing  would happen I would find myself with gifts for the tea room dream. Needless to say my home has become, as my eldest step son said, like an episode of the hoarders. I have most everything I need to begin the tea room, I just needed to find the right space.

I rented the commercial kitchen and Dining Hall at the First Presbyterian Church from March 2019 until Autumn 2022. I prepared all the food there on Thursday and Friday serving my interpretation of an English Afternoon Tea on Saturday afternoons. It went well, growth not only in numbers attending but our menu as well. We began making soups and salads from scratch. Then I added a breakfast that was an elegant long table affair meant as a findaraiser for local non-profit organizations. Then covid. Well creativity abounds and all restaurants did things different. Our Alfresco Afternoon Tea reservations continued to increase. Next, I felt the entrepreneur exhaustion kick in. I underwent a full hysterectomy to avoid cancer and my middle daughter got married in 2022. The hysterectomy was easy to deal with. The wedding was another emaotional roller coaster. I was not involved with the wedding, I planned the bridal shower, A wonderful watermelon afternoon tea. The wedding meant I had to be in the same room at the same time as my ex. This caused me great emotions, anxiety. I could not function for a time. Until Susy from Avignon Ettiquette told me “Look deep inside for your greatest strength, and take back the power that is yours”. Once I digested her words, my life was mine, totally and completely. Thus, you know the health reasons, why I had to walk away from the tea room from autumn 2022 until autumn 2023. I was processing emotions, health issues and deciding what to do with my future.

Yesterday, April 29, I was full of a different sort of emotion as I looked back on the past years, the experiences, my journey. Where I was asked in those years 0-18 years of age  “Are you sure you can?” I say today YES! Yes I can. When I hear the voice from the 20 years of the first marriage “you can’t, you are no one, you never have been and you never will be …” Today I say I can, I will and I am !

I am so excited to share with you that the Tea Room has found a home!

My retirement business dream may yet come to be.

I am busy with all the steps of getting the little restaurant open.

I have incorporated the business,

I have written a business plan with financial projections submitting them to the bank.

I am reworking the logo to create a beautiful sign for the front of the space and new business cards.

A kitchen floor plan and all the equipment shopping list is being worked on.

I have been searching for dining chairs and tables for the dining area, now I am looking for tables and chairs for the deck.

I have found wonderful farmers, producers to supply the kitchen with delicious local food.

I am making accounts with local food suppliers.

I am connecting with local artists, photographers and makers to help decorate the little restaurant and fill a small gift shop.

I need to put in applications for public health permit, liquor licensing, municipal approval…

I need to repack all of my china, stoneware, kitchen ware, linen, teapots, teatrays, cutlery…

I need to plan and schedule posts for advertising the business opening…

I need to finalize the menu so that I can get my orders begun with the farmers and food suppliers.

AND SO MUCH MORE …

The waiting on approvals has been patience testing. At this point I am not allowed to say where, I can’t even confidently say when as again, waiting on approvals has been taking longer than desired.

I am so very excited to say the tea room has found a home, it will be opening sometime this summer.

I am pushing my heavy emotions of the past aside today, to embrace the wonderful adventure that 2024 is turning out to be.

Today I say

I can,    I will,    I am !

Happy Tea Time Tuesday!

Joanne